Travel without husband a few weeks a year?
Question:I am 25 and my husband is 28. We have been married for 3yrs. I am a very independent woman. My mom has been a widow for 14yrs and like two times a year we plan to spend a week together with my other two sisters ( go to a spa) or I travel to see her and spend a week with her in Puerto Rico. My husband says that now that we are married we have to travel and do everything together. He always tells me that I am not supposed to travel without him, that his parents always travel together. I was raised by my mom so I am very independent woman and that makes no sense to me at all. I am so tired of fighting over the same issue that I think we need marital counseling. Do you think he is right?
When we got married I said that I would never travel without him, but it was just the romance in the moment. Now, I think that is stupid, I mean it is just only 2 wks a yr. Maybe he is jealous that he will be working and he can’t come. I don’t know.
He is leaving to OK for a training for a month. So I booked tickets to visit my mom in PR. I had to book the tickets a certain date so that I can get them with AX points. He is now fighting that he is going to be alone from the 21-23 Dec. He works the 23rd anyway! Is this normal??? PLEASE HELP!
We have vacations together always (3 wks a year). I am a grad student that is why I have more time off.
When I spend a week with my mom and sisters is at a Spa, why would he want to go???
This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 30th, 2010 at 11:07 pm and is filed under Time Travel Romance. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
travel without your husband should be for very special occasions only. if you go away and he wants to come… you should very much expect to bring him. He is part of you and probably wants to share in all of your experiences. I would seriously wonder why you wouldnt want him there. Thats not a good sign at all. Two weeks a year is all you usually get for vacation, and your going to waste it being AWAY from your husband? Thats really a bad sign for your marriage. I dont think you realize what marriage means. In your heart, your still single.
hes not right.. i think ur fine.. travel alone.. it gives u two time to miss each other.*
Romance is a very delicate subject. If your husband trust you then he has no recourse or should have no recourse in letting you visit your mother. One month in OK or a week in PR. I take PR every time. I honestly believe that there may be another underlying subject that your husband doesn’t feel comfortable in conversing about. I am 46 and have been down this road where my former wife found it comfortable to leave me twice a year. She ended up cheating on me and now my trust issues always raise a red flag. It appears to me that maybe he has some, if very little, jealousy issues.
There’s nothing wrong with traveling without your spouse. I have known lots of married couples who are quite comfortable with it. One woman I know happily encouraged her husband to go to Europe for a two- or three-week vacation while she stayed at home with the kid (they both have traveled extensively).
Your husband is making a big deal out of nothing–two weeks is a very short vacation. Tell him gently that he is being unreasonable, and that you are not responsible for finding ways to entertain him while you are gone.
You need to sit with your husband and ask what the real problem is, about you traveling… Yes, you are married, but it shouldn’t change things with your family… (Who knows, he could have insecurities and trust issues, which he shouldn’t because without that, there is no marriage) If you were going away with guys, different story, but family is different… Maybe you should suggest if he would like to come along every other year, so he doesn’t feel left out…. If he chooses not to, it was his choice. He shouldn’t make stop your trips to see your mom, and spend time with her….
In my opinion even though you are married, you should do things without your spouse. It gives a chance for the marriage to flourish, and your time with him much more special, because you will have missed him so much….
Good Luck!
I don’t see why you couldn’t travel when he is out of town but I think what he is saying is, you are married now and he expects you to be a stay at home wife and only do things with him. BOLOGNA! I don’t think he trust you or he is one of those control freaks. If its not something that you do all the time and its just once in a blue moon, then he is over reacting to a situation that is harmless.
I think traveling with your mom and sisters is great as long as you’re not using all your vacation time for that. You should surprise him with tickets to a sporting event or concert or something out of town and encourage him to go with his buddies or family. Once he sees how much fun he has, he will probably be more understanding.
Give him a few years and he’ll be asking you “so when are you going with your mom again?” : )
Well, first off, I think he’s being unfair in expecting you to be with him all the time. I hope he understands that it’s not only important for you to get some time off for yourself but it also actually helps your married life together.
And it’s not like you are over-doing it. It’s just a week when he’s going to be traveling and when he will be working for the most part.
Hopefully, talking to him and showing your empathy about how he feels might help. Also try sharing your thought about how beautiful it will be to actually be apart for a few days and actually feel that belonging all over again
Good luck girl…
You know what, to be totally Honest, I think that he is being selfish… He may be worried that you are travelling alone, but if he is throwing a fit because you are going on a trip that you have always done in the past with your mom, then you need to tell him that just because you guys are married does not mean you are going to break what you and your mom have done for years. This seems like a step some men take to control their wives/girlfriends. I would tell him that you are going if he likes it or not, and you feel that he is out of line and since he is going out of town for a month with out you then he should have no worries or say about what you do. So I say go have mom and have mother and daughters moments…
while a don’t think it should matter if you go alone to see your mom/sister, it’s not right that you should say to him that you agree with him about travelling together and then turn around and say “but it was just the romance in the moment” as a means of justifying not being totally open and honest with him in the first place.
It’s probably true that in this case, he’s a bit jealous.
I think you should ask him to go with you, he will probably go once and then he will realize that it is a girly reunion that you have and will let you travel alone for the following trip.
The more you fight it the more he will want to go.
You should encourage him to organize family trips for himself too.
Not true…..does he ever travel alone? Not like your out partying.
Your are both in the wrong, you for making the statement that you would never travel with out him, and him for being idiot which probably means he is jealous.
Your idea that you made a pledge in a moment of passion and it shouldn’t be legitimate is dumb! You should have never made that promise and I think you should take it back.
His antics for saying it’s not fair for him to be alone sounds so childish and is borderline jealously, he should be accused of lying immediately.
The answer is in the commitment called marriage. He should trust you with out question (you must be something special for him to worry about so intensely), try making him understand that the time alone with your mother is peaceful and necessary, if he would like you might cut back the individual visit to once a year, with you both going once also. For him, he needs to cop a plea about his jealously and promise to get some help with it, whether it’s reading some good old fashion self help books or dishing out the cash for someone who can lead him in the right direction. Jealously is a killer and should not be left unchecked.
There you go, problem solved and now you are on your way to a better life (still think you must be a knock out for him to act this way, most husbands would jump at the chance for a free week of ballgames and beer)… Good Luck!